Sales Meeting Hangover

I just got back from a sales meeting. Sales people can barely sit through a two day lockdown without reverting back to juvenile behavior. We eat too many snacks, go to the bathroom excessively and throw objects at one another. When I first got to the meeting I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack. I thought I would become exposed as the fraud I often feel like. Then I figured out how to funnel 5% of my experience at work into 95% of the content of the meeting to show I know what I'm talking about, and what I'm doing. Now that the meeting is over I'm suffering an energy hangover. I don't have anything inspirational left inside. I forget who I am during sales meetings. I have to convince this small universe I'm on top of the world, for a couple days. If you manage meetings well, people leave you alone, where you spend 95% of your working life.

Good selling day

Today I accepted that I've been working for the same company for too long and could be better utilized differently. You get into a routine and find a manageable way to make money and balance your personal life, so that making a change seems like a luxury rather than a necessity. There is a point where you cross into the necessity zone, when you realize job satisfaction isn't a privileged bitch's dream, it's survival redefined.

You have to treat your positive energy as another finite resource to manage. Just because you look good on paper doesn't mean you owe it to yourself to own this perception. Digging deep hurts and psychic discomfort carries a message.

I had a remarkable selling day because I was charged up about making a change. I had to make sure I wasn't deceived by being so fucking good today. That doesn't mean I should stay here doing the same thing! It's just an ironic side effect of wanting to quit. Sales is such a mindfuck!

The Golden Handcuffs in Sales

In my twenties when I started in sales I thought all the people who were 15 years into this job were old and boring. Now I'm turning into one of them except I still feel like I have a sliver of youth remaining. I projected from my twenties that I would have a couple kids (check) and make as much money as I could (no comment) and after they both started school, I would become a full time writer. I would focus on my kids and let my husband make the money. I would reinvent myself. For some reason, this was how I visualized it.

Now I am 35, just got promoted, not fulfilled. In my twenties I could easily manage taking risks. Now I'm afraid to take a risk because I understand how hard it is to scrape a lucrative path in this life.  I worked so hard. I've read too many articles about how fucked up people are in society. I've watched Walmart's stock soar. I am afraid to walk away from this money, and life in sales. I have the golden handcuffs. I am afraid to be reliant on my husband for money. I am afraid of becoming 40.

Hired to go to war

I need a place to blow off some steam. You found me and you will soon learn that being a sales person follows me, haunts me, whether I'm on the clock or not. This causes a lot of comedy, although it embarrasses the shit out of my husband.

I must remain anonymous because I have a visible position in an ultra-conservative company, and they would probably not like or understand what I want to share with you on this blog. With that said, I was just promoted in the company six-months ago and find myself selling in one of the most hostile environments in the sales organization. I got this promotion because I convinced everyone I was capable of going to war every single day.